DNC Drinking Game

So I hate all politicians but after the greatness that was the Olympics I have to wait through the crappy national conventions of both crappy political parties before I get to the new season of the Office.

Damn it, has it been four years since the last crap-tacular elections? Who won that one? Well it doesn’t matter because we all lost.

For all you neo-cons did you get anything from the last 8 Bush years? Unless you were already rich you likely got f-ed up the ass.

So what do you think you will win if Obama or McCain wins? Hopefully one of them will at lease give you a reach around and jerk you off.

Jerking me off happens to my criteria for picking the next president. McCain might be inclined if I scream at him in Vietnamese.

Anyway back to the convention. So this week it’s the Democrat's turn to sell us their crap.

So here are the rules for the drinking game.

1. Take a drink when someone says any of the following words and/or phrases: Change, Hope, Family Values, Green, Health Care, Carbon Neutral, Foreign Oil, “We support our soldiers” or Bush.
2. Take a drink when the camera pans to any of the following: Excited convention goers with too many buttons and signs, cute babies, or someone crying.
3. Take a drink when Ted Kennedy is mentioned just because he’s an F-ing drunk and for the girl he killed.
4. Take a drink when the channel you’re watching advertises themselves and/or their coverage in an extremely positive hyperbola. (I have no idea what hyperbola means but my daughter told me to use it in a sentence).

This will get you good and drunk in less than half an hour and you can try and act like Ted Kennedy by driving off the road, drowning a girl, and getting your brothers to cover it up. Hell you don't need to be drunk to do that, you just need to have the dead girl smell like she's been drinking.

I keep thinking about the Chinese in their blissful ignorance with only one political party and no political freedoms like us in the US of A. No conventions, no political parties trying to scream the loudest and no politicians pandering to their constituents. I mean have you tried to listen to these blow hard, wind bags, go on and on about why there are so great? Shut your f-ing pie hole!!!

The Chinese aren’t delusional because they know their government can and will break into their house and takes them away to a torture camp. Not like us in the US where we assume that we have rights and that somehow our government won’t do anything bad to us. At lease they have universal health care which is more than what we have here.

So think of the conventions as the date rape drug of the political party. They will bore you to death with their long winded speeches and take you back to the lobbyist paid hotel rooms to gang rape you. If you’re lucky in November your candidate will have been aborted and you won’t be like the other half when their demon spawn lobbyist baby is born.