Gay Hero

As APR spent the holidays in California APR was reminded of the fact that there still exist in America discrimination, hate, mistrust and anger. Yes America! APR can't believe it either but America is being split apart by hate.

Of course APR is talking about Prop. 8. Something about a marriage being only a man and a woman. (A Man and A Woman?) There is suffering in the rich streets of Hollywood as rich gay Americans are denied their God given right to end up losing all they worked for in a divorce case. Some might say APR is homophobic but that is contrary to what APR stands for. Because if you know APR you know that APR talks openly and freely with the gay community in their normal place of gathering (the men's room). As the gay community struggles to end this suffering they somehow cannot connect with main stream society.

Well if anyone from the gay community is listening APR has the best solution to your problem.

As Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier in baseball and Oprah broke the rich white men's dominance over the pocket books of white women so too must the gay community need a hero.

And APR has found one true hero, and it's very appropriate that he lives in the same state as Prop. 8.

APR is talking about the one, the only, Zorro.
Spread the news for he is back!
To help the helpless
To befriend the friendless
To defeat the defeat-less



Not Antonio Banderas... Oh no...
APR is talking about Zorro the Gay Blade.



Here is your hero Mr. Gay and Lesbian America. Bask in the glory that is Zorro the Gay Blade.

APR’s Call to Action!

Okay APR has been bitching about the economy and going on and on about it too long. APR was going to write several more blogs on that subject, like the parable about the lazy grasshopper and the ants and how it’s all F-ed up because the lesson is you don’t have to work and save because someone else will take care of you like the ants because they worked hard all summer and now will have to support the lazy grasshopper.

Well APR saw an episode of King of the Hill “The Redneck on Rainey Street” last night and realized that APR has done enough bitching and complaining. It’s time APR got off his ass and stop whining.

In the King of the Hill episode Kahn’s daughter, Connie, is turned down for admission to a prestigious summer school because it already has too many Asian kids. Realizing that working hard and overachieving will never help them get ahead in life, Kahn and Minh decide to give up and live like beer-drinking, El Camino-driving rednecks.

Here are some quotes:
RUTH: Look, Connie's a really smart Asian girl, but I've got a boatload of them -- pardon the expression. She's not black, she's not hispanic, or even white. I mean, good Lord, give me a white kid from a public school with Connie's specs, and that kid could waltz in here.
KAHN: You telling me Connie didn't get in because she's an overachieving Asian? That's discrimination!

KAHN: Minh, don't you see? There's a paradise out there! A place where nobody works, nobody cares, nobody have plans or dreams that can be crushed.

KAHN: What choice do I have? We flee horrible dictatorship, learn a new language, work hard and study hard. And our reward for doing everything right is to be told "Go to hell. You work too hard. You study too hard."

There’s even a reference to the TPS report. But at the end of the show as Kahn was stick fighting a retarded man-boy he realizes that his daughter and her future was his true goal for working so hard.

KAHN: Connie like a beautiful lotus growing out of the muck. That's her hook!

So Kahn has inspired APR to write the following rant and come up the following new saying:

Whitey F-ed it up!
We need to clean it up!

That’s right!

Whitey F-ed it up!
We need to clean it up!

Can I hear it from those in the back!

Whitey F-ed it up!
We need to clean it up!

And when APR says Whitey APR means rich, white-men like the CEO’s of the banks, car makers, and big businesses that has F-ed up the economy and lost millions of jobs (you see them on the news these days asking for money) not the white people APR sees doing day to day work and trying to make a living. No those white people can continue to do their jobs. Yes even hillbilly red neck white trash whitey because APR can’t blame them for taking truck loads of money when Da Man was just giving it away and not read the fine print.

So regular white people and African Americans (because of the whole slavery thing and we need you to concentrate on sports and rap music) can sit back, because this is a job for the “we” in APR’s saying.

Who are the “we”? When APR says “we”, APR means immigrants. Yes immigrants! It doesn’t matter if you’re 1st generation, 2nd generation, 3rd generation and beyond, because if you grew up in a household that speaks two languages APR considers you an immigrant! Illegal or legal doesn’t matter either because the first immigrants were illegal (ask the Native Americans if those Europeans had the proper paperwork)!

Yes the immigrants! You know the ones who work 3 jobs, own their own business, and live with 50 relatives to save money! Because immigrants built this country and immigrants will continue to build it up! Why? Because the immigrant dream is a simple dream. It’s not about 401k, bonus plans or shareholder value. Oh no. It’s about their children. Immigrants do it for their kids. They may not have a better life and after this economic disaster they’re looking at a worst life for themselves but damn-it all to hell their kids are going to have a better life!!!

This is a call out to Asian (APR is including the brownies when APR say Asians because if APR say Indian people will confuse that with Native Americans and we all know what immigrants did to them), Mexi-cans (this includes people from Latin and S. America), Eastern Europeans, Middle Eastern, and Africans, America needs you and it’s time for us to shine.

APR is not only talking to those immigrants who have to clean up rooms, do laundry, make food and drive Whitey-McWhite-White around. Oh no… APR is also talking to the educated children of immigrants as well. Your parents worked their ass off to get you a better life and an education. So before you run off and marry the nearest white person, you better start living up to your parent’s expectations.

You immigrants better listen to APR's message, especially you Mr. Neel Kashkari. Who?

Neel Kashkari is an Indian-American (not Native American) who is the Interim Assistant Secretary of the Treasury for Financial Stability in the United States Department of the Treasury.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neel_Kashkari

Let’s just say that if Neel was working at the Quickie-Mart he would be in charge of the penny change jar. But substitute Quickie-Mart with the Treasury and penny change jar with $700 Billion. Neel is in charge of the $700 Billion aid package. So Neel, all APR has to say is, you better not F-up! Because there is a long line of white b-school grads with less knowledge and even less experience but more connections waiting for you to fail. It’s time to show American what an Indian can do and to prove to your parents why it was a good idea for you to leave engineering and go into finance.

So it’s not about some rich white guy’s fancy million dollar house, his million dollar private jet, his millions in bonus, his hookers or his blow. Oh no… Immigrants need to do this for a better life for our kids and our kids, kids because if we don’t fix America our kids’ life will be worst off and we can’t let that happen.

Remember:
Whitey F-ed it up!
We need to clean it up!

Say it again my brother!
Whitey F-ed it up!
We need to clean it up!

So this Thanksgiving, in addition to NFL and fried turkey, let’s be thankful for immigrants. (Except for the Native Americans because if you know what you know now, you guys should have let those settlers starve in the first place.) Because no matter what Congress, the President and rich Whitey-McWhite-White does, the immigrant will have to clean it up, figuratively and literally.

APR Alternative Business Techniques

With the looming global recession and ever shrinking markets APR has a few business techniques for management that will allow them to continue to have hookers and blow. So listen up CEO's, especially those from GM, Ford, and Circuit City!

This isn’t the normal list such as layoffs, reduced healthcare benefits, outsource jobs overseas and have the CEO appear on a new ad campaign. Oh on… Any B-school grad can come up with those ideas. These techniques are so revolutionary and innovative that any company that employees these techniques will be profitable, increase shareholder values, and guarantee bonuses for upper level management even in a recession.

So listen up all you primates and bask in the glory of “APR Alternative Business Techniques”! Also don’t forget to sign up for APR’s business seminars and book tour coming to a Motel 6 near you!

1. Life lesson in action: Put a $1 bill under the chairs of your entire office. Write an email to the office and tell them to look under their chair. The moral of this story to your employees is you cannot make money unless you “get off your ass”! Also it gives you ample time to smell the hot chick’s chair.

2. Cost savings starts in the toilet. Do you know your company flushes millions of dollars a year down the toilet? Literally! You can save that money buy using a simple screw driver. How APR? It’s simple… tighten the toilet paper disperser so tight that if the employee yanks on the toilet paper roll too hard only one little strip will come off. Yes you will not only save money is TP but you will also make the employees so mad that they won’t take a crap at work. But remember to make sure the paper towel dispenser is not reachable from the stall.

3. Have the inmates (employees) turn on their own. What’s the best way to ensure company loyalty? Why having the employees turn on other employees. There are many ways of doing this but the best way is to dangle a promotion in front of several employees with the implied stipulation that those who don’t get the promotion will be let go or have to report to the person promoted. This way you can guarantee the best performance from those employees because they will have added motivation. Also the employees will work extra hard by sucking up to you and backstabbing each other. APR calls this the “Kirk vs. Lizard Man Approach”

4. Rent out your office for porn movies. Porn is one of the few recession proof industries. So what better way to become part of the industry than to rent out your un-used office space for porn movies? This will add a bit of realism to the movie, motivate employees to actually show up for work and who knows, maybe you get to be in a couple of the movies. You can also cross market your products with porn as well, like the following example:

Hi I’m Dan Hesse the CEO of Sprint. With the current financial downturn and ever increasing day to day cost, wouldn’t it be great to get your voice, emails, data, and internet on one device for one monthly price? Also wouldn’t it be even better to get porn on that device? Not just any porn but Sprint Porn™? Yes, porn filmed and produced at Sprint headquarters with me like “Call Center Whore”, “Financial Anal-ist”, and “Can U Suck Me Now” with the quality, service, and reliability of the Sprint network. If your answer is yes, Sprint has the solution for you. I’m Dan Hesse and I’m rich!

5. Be like Christopher Walken. Just walk around and impersonate Christopher Walken. Nothing inspires workers like Christopher Walken from Batman Returns, or from Catch Me if You Can, or any SNL skit.

Try walking around the office and saying the following to any issues that come up.

Sir we're being investigated by the SEC.
The Union is on strike.
Health care cost is going up 50%.
The Board wants to fire you.

Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out. Gentlemen, as of this moment, I am that second mouse.

Don’t worry if you can’t talk like Walken, you can always try and dance like him around the office.

Time to look for a new job when…

With the current economic crisis and the worsening economy you may ask yourself are there signs that you should start looking for a new job?

APR has one that a lot of financial and economic sites fail to mention. This is a great rule for you to start looking for a new job and/or if you’re an investor to start selling their stock.

The rule is: If the CEO/President of your company starts appearing in commercials when they traditionally never were in any commercials before, it’s time to start looking for a new job.

The main reason for the CEO/President of any company to make a commercial is to brand themselves as part of the company's image and convey a sense that they play a personal part in the everyday running of the company. Sure this would work for some mom and pop business and a used car dealer but not for a multi-billion dollar company.

The likely reason for the CEO/President to start making commercials is because the company has spent millions of dollars on a new advertising plan and chances are they hired some expensive consulting company.

Here’s the pitch….

Expensive Consulting Company (ECC) Person #1: Man we wasted millions of dollars and haven’t come up with any ideas on selling this crappy product. WTF are we going to do? How can we come up with an ad campaign that will justify the millions that they spent on our ECC?

ECC Person #2: I know what we can do… we can stoke the ego of the CEO/President and use him as the centerpiece of a multi-million dollar ad campaign. He can’t say no because we will tell him how great he is and he will love to see his face all over the place to really build up his ego.

ECC Person #1: You’re an F-ing genius! Let’s go get some ho’s and blow to celebrate and charge it to our client.

So not only did your company spend millions on consultants, ad agencies, and TV/Print advertising but the face of your company will be associated with some rich white guy and it’s not Bruce Wayne or Tony Stark either. Oh no, it’s some rich white guy with an even bigger ego now that he will see his face everywhere.

Here’s a list of commercials that APR has noticed and the results.

Ford – William Clay "Bill" Ford Jr. – Ford has continued to post record loses, had huge layoffs and tons of restructuring cost since his commercials first appeared. Let’s hope Henry Ford will come out of his grave to B*tch Slap his grandson.

DamilerChrysler – Dieter Zetsche “Dr. Z” – Same fate as Ford and they had to sell Chrysler for some blow and a tranny whore.

Sprint – Dan Hesse – Too soon to tell but APR thinks they should spend the money on getting exclusive phones like the iPhone or Blackberry and hire a new CEO who’s more interested in building your company vs. appearing in commericals.

Let’s look at other commercials with CEO/Presidents/Owners, there’s the Hair Club for Men Guy, Learn to use a Computer Guy, Male Enhancement Guy, and don’t forget Used Car Dealers.

You know who else put his face everywhere to sell his message? Hitler...

Yeah do you really want your company to be associated with those guys?

So if you’re sitting at home eating your leftovers and see the CEO/President of your company in a commercial it’s time to start looking for another job.

And if you're looking for a new job. Feel free to follow APR's 3 Easy Ways to Get a Job.

http://angryparentreview.blogspot.com/2008/09/aprs-3-easy-ways-to-get-job.html

A special message from APR

America is getting ready for a historic event come election day. If you live in a Red State or Blue State, or if you're a Democrat or Republican, and especially if you're in a Battleground State or Swing State the end is in sight and you are voting on the course of this nation for the next 4 years.

APR has a special message and this is the same message APR has every election cycle.

APR will not vote for the party of change or the party of old whitey-mc-white-white.

No APR will continue his voting efforts with the only party that represents APR's personal belief.

So when you vote, ask yourself "is the person I choose going to F-up the system and bring upon us the end of days and the rapture?" If the answer is yes than vote for that person. Vote for Anarchy!!!!!



APR likes the Sex Pistol version better but most readers of APR won't know which state the UK is in...

It's in the State of Anarchy!!!!!

APR's War on Halloween!

The evils of Halloween is upon us. Yes the evil that is Halloween!!!!!

So to fight this satanic devil worshiping holiday of debauchery and witchcraft APR is putting out a list of movies to watch and hopefully steer your kids away from turning into whores.

Whores?

Yes Whores!!!!

Halloween has turned from a night of candy and sweet sugar love to an night of eye candy and sweet ass love.

You all know what APR is talking about! APR is talking about the turning of Halloween into Whore-O-Ween. Hopefully the whores will all freeze to death because of their skimpy costumes. So hopefully you will take APR's advice and stay at home with your kids and watch some of the following movies.

1st is a movie about our Lord and Savior fighting all that is truly evil.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter!



You're asking yourself why is JC fighting vampires? Well if that movie doesn't make it clear. APR will tell you.... Vampires are the gateway for women to turn to Lesbian Whores! Yes vampires turn women into lesbians and after they are turned to lesbians they become whores. It must have something to do with tight leather, and the forbidden passion that only two women can share.

But if you don't believe APR and the scientific proof then take a look at this 1950's PSA educational film.

How do you know you're a lesbian (AKA Die Lesbian Vampires!)



After watching that you too will understand the connection between Halloween, vampires, lesbians and whores.

I know what you're all saying... APR can you suggest something more subliminal and less lesbian about the message of JC and prevent our kids from becoming atheist, lesbian, and Democrats?

Why yes APR has a great suggestion that will have your kids singing a happy song before they realize the overt Christan message and pretty soon they will be protesting abortion clinics with you in no time.

Veggie Tales



So sit back and ignore those pesky trick and treating kids and enjoy the following movies.

APR's 3 easy ways to get a job

So has anyone used one of the many news web sites and notice a link to articles like "5 ways to lose weight" or "how to get a promotion". You blindly click on the article and it gives you very basic and common sense advice like diet and exercise or dress for your next position.

Well APR has had enough and is starting his own advice list. So the first list is 3 easy steps to get a job, guaranteed!

Yes APR will tell you 3 fool proof ways of getting a job no matter what the current economic conditions are.

So in reverse order:

3. Be related to someone who can hire you.

Remember Charlie Sheen? Do you really think he could have gotten a job without his dad? Okay Charlie Sheen is an easy target so try William Ford Jr. Who? because of his great-grandfather he's running a major multi-billion dollar company into the ground. You think that any loser can have that job? No you had to be related to the the founder of the company.

So look for a relative that has a job and ask to see if his company is hiring.

2. Know and/or date someone who can give you a job.

Not having any luck with monster.com or hotjobs.com? Well try match.com and look for people who currently have a job. Chances are on the first date you can see if their company is hiring. It's easy because unattractive people are usually workaholic's so they are respected in their company and can get you an interview. Don't limit it to just searches on the straight section either because you're really just looking for a job so check out the gay section too. Maybe this is why there aren't jobless gay people.

1. So if the other two steps don't work in getting you a job this will guarantee you a job.

One word, 4 letters....

ORAL... Yes APR said ORAL. Learn to give ORAL and the world is your oyster or penis depending on which Clinton you know.