Pho Review Part 2

Where was I?

Oh yeah “No Money, No Honey”

One of the first rules in fine dinning is to avoid families with small kids. Sadly, if the kids belong to you, chances are you cannot sit them at someone else’s table. Since 47 out of 50 states (stay classy: Mississippi, North Dakota and Alaska) makes it illegal to leave kids in the car when you go to eat, you will need to take them in with you.

One of the reasons we eat at the pho restaurant in Beaverton (beaver… he… he… he) is because they put us far away from other customers so I won’t have to worry about dirty looks from the people around me. Because of this, we can enjoy yelling at our kids without the watchful judging eyes of concerned people. Also it lessens the chances that someone will call Child Protective Services on us too (again).

So we first stumbled upon this place looking for a Vietnamese sandwich shop and guess what we found? Sadly it wasn’t a sandwich shop; it was a mid-level pho/coffee/pre-packaged dessert restaurant. Lucky for us the owner was there and we were the only customers. After a little small talk and me trying to understand his business model the guy starts trying to one up me by telling me how much money he made and how much money he’s spending on the business and then he mentioned his Japanese tennis partner who looks like my wife but younger and taller. WTF was that about? You own a F-ing pho restaurant so that really isn’t something to be proud of unless you just came to America. Also if you were banging your “tennis partner” why wouldn’t you say you had a girlfriend instead of “tennis partner”? I’m thinking you’re delusional and likely a stalker.

Also pho restaurants are not high end, they are low end. Roaches, stains on the wall, dirty silverware, and an old man who can’t speak English watching a badly copied VHS of Paris by Night 75 (Reno Edition) are all part of the ambiance. But instead of going high end (Rich white people market) you decided to go way off course and go for mid-level pho. You’ve made a freakish multi-crap filled Frankenstein restaurant with a painting of the Eiffel Tower and French music in the background, decorated with shopping mall furniture and plastic plants from Garden Ridge and Hobby Lobby. So, besides the crappy décor how will you distinguish yourself from the other restaurants in the area? Why you serve coffee. Big F-ing deal, so does every other pho restaurant in the world. But you have fancy “gourmet” coffee. Well I hate to tell you this but so does everyone else in the Pacific NW and did you not see three Starbucks less than a block away from your store. Don’t get me started on your desserts from F-ing Costco too.

Lucky for the owner I haven’t talked to him since.

To Be Continued….