Shut Your Pie Hole Al F-ing Gore!

APR guess Al F-ing Gore was right because up to 8 F-ing inches of Global Warming fell on APR over the week. That's right over 8" of F-ing snow and ice fell on APR's city.

Well what do you expect it's F-ing winter. But wait, this was one of the worst F-ing storms to hit APR's region in years. Well as APR was putting chains on APR's car for the second time in one week, APR was thinking that Al F-ing Gore needs to come out here so that APR can show Al the Global Warming Man APR's girls built with all the snow that accumulated on APR's yard.

Of course this also reminded APR of the wonderful blog that APR forgot all about.

Well since APR is busy shoveling APR's driveway APR decided to post Penn & Teller's Bullsh*t episode that pretty much sums up all of APR's feelings.

So enjoy.


via videosift.com


via videosift.com


via videosift.com

Shaggyman!

APR has a new favorite comic book superhero (he's actually a villain)...

Sure you got your Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Wolverine, and Spawn but APR has always favored the unusual and odd like APR's all time favorites Deadpool, Maxx, and Lobo.

But APR wants to let you all know about Shaggyman!

Who?

Yes Shaggyman!!!

Here's Shaggyman at the Justice League Christmas party. (Who knew that most superheroes are Christians)

Also APR feels just like Shaggyman when APR has to do Secret Santa.

http://community.livejournal.com/scans_daily/6805977.html

Hogfather

Tis the season to be jolly and cower, brief mortals!

As APR was watching Miracle on 34th Street, APR realized that the greatest Christmas movie wasn’t about Christmas but about Hogswatch Night. So for all of those people who want to celebrate Christmas without all the stuff about JC I give you the Hogfather.



Here are some quotes… especially the one that pretty much sums up all of APR’s belief.

"You're saying humans need ... fantasies to make life bearable."
"NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE."
"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers?"
"YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES."
"So we can believe the big ones?"
"YES. JUSTICE. DUTY. MERCY. THAT SORT OF THING."
"They're not the same at all!"
"REALLY? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET YOU ACT, LIKE THERE WAS SOME SORT OF RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED."
- Susan and Death

Ignorant: A state of not knowing what a pronoun is, or how to find the square root of 27.4, and merely knowing childish and useless things like which of the 70 almost identical looking species of the purple sea snake are the deadly ones, how to navigate across a 1000 miles of featureless ocean by means of a piece of string and a small clay model of your grandfather, and other such trivial matters.
Credulous: Having views about the world, the universe, and humanity's place in it that are shared only by very unsophisticated people and the most intelligent and advanced mathematicians and physicists.

It’s amazing how good governments are, given their track record in almost every other field, at hushing up things like alien encounters. One reason may be that the aliens themselves are too embarrassed to talk about it.
Representatives of several hundred space-going races have taken to hanging out, unsuspected by one another, in rural corners of the planet and, as a result of this, keep on abducting other would-be abductees.
The planet Earth is now banned to all alien races until they can compare notes and find out how many, if any, real humans they gave actually got. It is gloomily suspected that there is only one who is big, hairy, and has very large feet.
The truth is out there, but lies are in your head.

"Here's a tip, though. Just 'Ho, Ho, Ho' will do. Don’t say 'Cower, brief mortals'."
- Albert advises Death on how to be the Hogfather

Susan: [Susan is reading the fairy tale "Jack and the beanstalk" to children] And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement and trespass charges already mentioned and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy any more. But he got away with it and lived happily ever after without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done. Which proves that you can be excused just about anything if you're a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions.

Random Rant #4

Sorry for the lack of updates but APR has been busy headlining Peter Pan as Pirate #3.

Here are some blog ideas that APR has had over the past few days that APR really couldn't make into a long blog entry.

Male Girdle
APR has invented the male girdle or as APR would like to call it the "mirdle".

How better to give yourself six pack abs without doing sit ups.

Oh wait someone has already did that?

Well F-it!!!!

Back to the drawing boards.

How about male pantyhose -- "manty-hose"? Anyone come up with that yet?

Embarrassing moments in APR's life #1
As you can see APR looked like a transvestite whore for Peter Pan and you're all thinking is that the most embarrassing thing APR has ever done?

The answer is no, not in a long shot.

Like some crazy self help program APR will list out embarrassing moments in APR's life to exercise the demons of APR's past.

So you're all asking APR looks pretty comfortable in make-up but has APR ever put on woman's clothing in public? The answer of course is yes. Back in high school APR dressed up for the homecoming pep rally not once but twice as a cheerleader. APR did so with the other members of the basketball team as a skit and to show team pride. Or was it just gay pride... no one knows and it was before digital cameras so lucky for APR no one has any pictures.

APR was Candidate #1B
Yes APR would like to confirm that APR was Candidate #1B for Obama's vacant Senate seat. APR offered Gov. Blagojevich a job as APR's editor and 50% share in APR's web site earnings along with a post as Union President of APR's new blog union, United Bloggers of America #1 and APR would allow Blagojevich wife to be CEO of APR's new business selling Manty-Hose.

I'm So Pretty

I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight.



I feel charming,
Oh, so charming
It's alarming how charming I feel!
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm real.



See the pretty girl in that mirror there:
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!


I feel stunning
And entrancing,
Feel like running and dancing for joy,
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!

APR's Sports Motto

APR’s motto about APR’s favorite teams has always been:

To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.

No words have summed up spectator sports like those spoken by Conan. Sadly it has nothing to do with the game since the game only last hours. It’s the mocking of the other team and their fans as their team loses and the sad looks on their faces. But if you lose, there is still hope that the next time the teams play your team can win and you will be the one’s celebrating.

Since APR has been away from ground zero (the region where APR’s teams plays), no one really cares about APR’s teams and APR likes that (especially when APR’s team loses).

So lately it has become a tradition with APR to watch ESPN late at night and hear the praised heaped up APR’s teams as they win. Somehow hearing other people praise APR’s teams has become the manna in which APR survives the day to day crap at work before APR’s team plays another game.

Sure APR can go to some likeminded fanboy web site and read the praises of APR’s team but to hear it from paid professionals who should be unbiased seems even sweeter.

Now I know what you are thinking. APR aren’t you a pompous ass when it comes to your teams? Yes APR is a pompous ass but there are some things APR won’t do.

Yes, APR cries inside and dies a little when APR’s team loses, and APR will scream and cheer during the game but APR will not belittle any opposing team’s fans about their team (APR will belittle them for acting like A-holes, retarded dumb asses, and living in a god forsaken state but not their team).

One more thing…

BOOMER! SOONERS!