Olympics (final rant)

China spent $40 billion on the Olympics. People complained about China cheating, their human rights, and restrictions and of course their competition with the USA.

But you know what?

I would rather have China spend $40 billion on the Olympics vs. Russia spending $40 billion on tanks.

What would happen if China spent that money on their military? I’m thinking Taiwain and Japan would be crapping their pants now.

Also all this talk of China taking over the world won’t work because China has accepted dumb ass Western culture and will become a large bastion of rappers and obesity. If you don’t believe me look at the following.

Once again APR would rather take on bad rapping Asians than a Russian tank any day.

Gunny how do you feel about China?

China is full of G-D communist heathen!

So true Gunny, so true…

Olympics Rant Part 3

Inspired by the Olympics in China we decided to experience a little bit of Asia in America. Of course I'm talking about the Asian supermarket. Why not the local Chinese buffet? I already mentioned in an earlier blog Chinese foods in the States isn't like Chinese food in China. We went through the aisles and marveled at the flavor of foods from Asia that has come to America. While marveling at the live fish and crabs and the fact that all the people stocking shelves are Mexican we stumbled on the following.




That's right... it reads "Horny Goat Weed".

Horny Goat Weed!

Is this the "Ancient Chinese Secret" that is allowing them to win so many gold medals?

Horny Goat Weed!

Or is it, weed fertilized by horny goats? Talk about potent ganja.

Horny Goat Weed!

Is it cannabis that will make you horny as a goat instead of giving you the munchies?

And why are Chinese goats so horny or have to be made horny?

Horny Goat Weed!

This once and for all will prove that Asia is one F-ed up place. Or maybe there's a bunch of Chinese people laughing their ass off as they gave some white explorer Horny Goat Weed as a joke.

So now the Chinese Olympics will be synonymous with under aged athletes, under aged lip sinking girls and Horny Goat Weed.

No Spin Zone

APR is interrupting the Green and Olympics series of blogs with the following announcement.

APR is expanding to bring you a blog beyond the norm.

You will tell your kids that on 8/16/2008 something new was introduced that revolutionized blogging. Yes APR is not only changing his blog space but the whole blog sphere. My new blog invention is the "No Spin Zone". Which will take the spin out of the media.

How does the No Spin Zone work? Because of APR's unique unbiased view of the world APR will take the spin out of the media.

So here are some examples of the No Spin Zone's reporting that will become part of the APR blog.

McCain's "No Spin" pitch to become president -- Come on are you really going to vote for a black man? No really... I'm old and rich and do not represent the common man but a vote for Obama is a vote for a black man.

Obama's "No Spin" pitch to become president -- Yes I know you have issues voting for a black man but what about slavery and white man's guilt. If you vote for me, you will exercise your guilt about slavery.

The No Spin Zone works on everything.

The new Clone Wars Animated Series -- You freaking nerds can complain all you want but George Lucas will continue to rape your childhood memories as long as you continue to spend money on his crap.

Chinese under aged gymnast -- Yeah they were under aged but we're China so F-U!

So look for the "No Spin Zone" on the right hand side of the blog for future updates.

Olympics Rant Part 2

USA! USA! USA!

One of the unintended consequences of the Olympics is phrases and stars associated with teams and athletes become part of office talk.

I hate having a meeting when the following conservations occur.

“Can you make your quarterly forecast?”

“Do you believe in miracles?”

Than everyone starts chanting USA! USA! USA!

Yeah that’s how I want to have my meeting go.

Or the ever popular references to Olympic athletes during work.

“We got a delay in getting our reports.”

“Maybe you should get Phelps to get for you. Man he’s so fast.”

Than everyone starts chanting USA! USA! USA!

On top of the Olympics references you also have to deal with the following personalities.

Mr. “Did you see what happen last night”.

OMG do you see Phelps last night? He was awesome! Man, the women’s gymnastics’ team choked on the floor exercise!

Mr. “Sports knowledge show-off”.

Man did you see that girl had her toe off and that’s a half point deduction. Swim times are better because of the high-tech swim suits and the depth of the pool.

Mr. “In my day”

In my day, swimmers had only Speedo’s and not these high-tech swimsuits.
In my day, only homo’s did male gymnastics.

And who can forget Mr. “I can do that”

Man that’s nothing I could squat 500 lbs.

So before you open your month know that you are all a-holes and no one cares about your Olympics references. In fact no one cares about you so shut the F-up!

Rant on the Olympics (Part 1 of many)

So I take another break from mocking the green movement because did anyone see the Olympics last night?

USA! USA! USA!

I’m not a swimming fan but watching the 400 relay was just amazing.

Take that you freaking Frenchie! The stupidity of the French smack talk was only overshadowed by the stupidity of the announcers. I think during the relay one of the announcers pretty much said the French had won. But the announcers forgot that France really sucks and all they can do was fart in the American’s general direction.

Anyone watch basketball? It was like the Harlem Globe Trotters taking on the cheap Chinese versions of the Generals. There were so may dunks that I though the US team was sponsored by Dunkin’ Donuts.

USA! USA! USA!

Taking about the ching-chang-men, they will likely get more medals than the US but guess what? It will be made up of crappy Olympics sports. China won some medals in air-pistols. WTF is air-pistols? I keep thinking it’s the freaking carnival shooting gallery where you hit little metal ducks to win a stuffed animal. So if this is a real sport I’m starting the US air-pistol team and I will be recruiting at all the major country fairs schedule this fall.

My count of real sports medals shows USA – 39 vs. China – 2. I have to give some credit to the Chinese women’s weightlifting team for passing their steroid and gender test. You can’t tell if some of the female Chinese athletes aren’t men.

Also talking about freaking Chinese athletes, I know Asian women look young but should Chris Hansen do a “To Catch a Predator” on the Chinese government for their gymnastics team? I guess there might be a rise in Chinese mail order brides from the Texas polygamy compound after the Olympics since Texas took away their under aged white girls.

USA! USA! USA!